HYPER MELANCHOLY:
(gallery version)
an ode to adolescence
Hyper-Melancholy: that inexplicable combination of arrogance, bashfulness, ignorance, longing, loving, kindness, impulsiveness and stupidity. The longing
to be something
to be somebody
to be somebody's somebody
to be be wanted
to love
to be loved.
It's the ignorance and arrogance to think you can have it all. The impulsiveness and stupidity to try to. It is trying to be genuine when you don't know what that is. Saying feelings in the moment they are felt. The common insecurity, the fear of not being enough, never making it, of peaking now. Though you can't help but live now and not think about the future. Still, you worry too much, talk too much, listen too little.
Exposed, yet afraid of vulnerability. These works are a reflection of my own longings, which I inadvertently project onto everyone I photograph. It may be a picture of them, but the emotions are my own. The longing, the angst, the desires (and the fear of never fulfilling them)--they're all mine.
I.
under open skies / your hand holding mine
No one else could know
That there’s nothing I wouldn’t do
To be in that car forever
(encuadrado contigo)
Under open skies
With your hand holding mine
%204.jpg)
%202.jpg)
.jpg)
II.
running away
Guess the mirror came cracked,
refracting your figure
every step closer lacked
the closeness that should cure
there were always cracks in this glass
this love should have survived
Can’t you revive a heart of brass?
Guess I shouldn’t have tried
standing beside you, an inch from the end
your face kaleidoscoped in the mirror
understanding, now, that i cannot mend
your shattered image couldn't be clearer
now, stepping back, i see what i could not in the past:
i can never get this close, and this could never last
so i’m running away
%203.jpg)
III.
lost at sea
te busco en todas partes
cada esquina
cada cuadro que pintan mis memorias
cada palabra que
cae de mis labios
Se pierden en las tuyas
no se como ni cuando
me encontré a tu lado
No se que habra pasado
El peso de un pasado colectivo
nos va matando
Y ahora que te fuiste
Me e quedado dentro del cuadro
and now I’m cutting corners, ‘cause I’m lost without you.
IV.
dolled up
can’t show you what’s really there.
i don’t even think i know.
until then, i’ll just stay
dolled up.
V.
alone on broadway
alone again,
but know you’re not alone in knowing that:
i know now that no one can mend.
you know i’ll try anyways.
this youth couldn’t retain the wisdom i gain
every step forward might as well be on a treadmill
as we stop time
only moving in place
stuck in space
leaping like the cadets
as it all falls
into view
still, i can’t see you
it’s just me now:
alone on broadway.